I found a great new cartoonist – Johnny Ancich

Posted on July 16th, 2008 by Richard Catto 1,854 views

"Professor Felps, we meet again! Remember me? Biology disection class!"

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Tags: Cartoon, frog jokes, Humour, Johnny Ancich
Filed under Cartoon, Humour, Joke, jokes | 1 Comment »

How Moses got the Ten Commandments

Posted on January 17th, 2008 by Richard Catto 2,218 views

God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better."

The Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?"

The Lord said, "They are rules for living."

"Can you give us an example?"

"Thou shalt not kill."

"Not kill? We’re not interested."

So He went to the Africans and said, "I have Commandments."

The Africans wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Honour thy Father and Mother."

"Father? We don’t know who our fathers are. We’re not interested."

Then He went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments."

The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said "Thou shalt not steal."

"Not steal? We’re not interested."

Then He went to the French and said, "I have Commandments."

The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shalt not commit adultery."

"Not commit adultery? We’re not interested."

Finally, He went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments."

"Commandments?" They said, "How much?"

"They’re free."

"We’ll take 10."

Tags: Humour, Jewish humour, Joke
Filed under Jewish humour | 4 Comments »

Two really crass ribald jokes to tell your mates

Posted on December 8th, 2007 by Richard Catto 14,990 views

The Traffic Warden

I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted at me, "Oi, what’s your disability?"

I said, "Tourettes! Now fuck off, you cunt!!"

The Busty Blonde

A man is in a queue at Pick n Pay and sees this busty blonde staring at him. He can’t believe his luck. Then she starts waving.

"Excuse me, do I know you?", he asks.

"Yes, I think you are the father of one of my kids", she says, proudly.

The man thinks back and remembers his one act of infidelity and says, "Bloody hell, are you the whore I shagged on my stag night, whilst your mate whipped me and your other mate stuck a hair brush up my arse?"

"No!" she wails, completely embarrassed, "I’m your son’s English teacher!"

Tags: blonde jokes, Humour, jokes, quickies
Filed under Humour, jokes | 1 Comment »

How to fuXor bandwidth leeches

Posted on November 25th, 2007 by Richard Catto 4,342 views

Back in July 2007, I wrote a cute little blog posting about cats and included a pic of a 3 cat pile up. It’s ever so cute, so cute, in fact, that people have recently begun linking to it and pasting it into forums and myspace profile comments all over the Internet.

In other words, they’re freeloading on my server’s bandwidth, and that is just NOT ON!

So without further ado, and without any warning whatsoever, I have done a neat little naming substitution so that instead of seeing 3 cute little kitties gnawing on each other, they get to see this.

But wait… before you click that last link, ask yourself, "do you feel lucky, punk?"

Well, do ya?

Tags: bandwidth leeches, bitches, cute kittie pics, suck on these man tits
Filed under 3 Cat Stack | 2 Comments »

A Technopeasant and Tippex

Posted on November 7th, 2007 by Richard Catto 1,556 views

As a technopeasant of note I am struggling to sort out RSS feeds with Feedburner etc. Hell, only recently did I stop using tippex with spellchecking. I will eventually overcome these obstacles and all of my posts will then be available as feeds. (currently my oldest posts are not linked with any type of feed and I’m struggling to sort it out.)

I thus put up one of my old posts as introduction to Cape Town news.

A few Ideas to Make the World A Better Place

Before even considering running for office every would-be politician should be forced to do a 200 word review of at least 10 books they have read in their lifetime. This should be done from memory and under strict supervision of at least 5 stern old librarians, with their hair up in buns and sporting bi-focal spectacles, reading over their shoulders. A time limit should also be set for the completion of this task as politicians are known procrastinators.
Severe penalties for failure of this selection should be implemented as to deter the dregs of society that normally consider politics as a career to try and pull a fast one. Public execution by means of disembowelment with a blunt wooden spoon comes to mind.

This suggestion will make for a better society as it will cut out a lot of crap politicians normally get away with. Some of the things it will ensure are the following:

There will be proof that the individual can actually read and write.
A thorough examination of the memory of the said individual will be conducted as to eliminate the “ailment” politicians seem to suffer from at any given time during their term of public office i.e. amnesia. This is of quite some importance when it comes to fulfilling promises made during election campaigns.

They will be able to write their own speeches and thus save on tax-payer’s money as to cut out a few of the lackeys normally part of the entourage of a person in office.

Individuals like Mangosuthu ("Gatsha") Ashpenaz Nathan Buthelezi will get so carried away with this task that they will be kept out of the public eye for years to come.

A lot of individuals will be eliminated by this process as any reference, hint or quote to and from Asterix, Tin-Tin and Superman should lead to immediate disqualification. The same applies for works of Robert Suresh Roberts and Dan Roodt.

Proper appointments to cabinet positions can be made based on the contents of the individual’s library:

The Minister for Safety and Security should have at least 3 book covering law and order and not base his expertise on watching soap operas on TV.

The Minister for Health’s library should sport at least the Reader’s Digest version of “Home Doctor.” Herbal remedies and traditional healers do not count!

In turn the minister for Finance should know the currency used by 5 different countries by heart. Double-entry Italian book-keeping might be too much to ask for. (The oldest known form of financial accountability)

God, what a novel idea! I would vote for any political party that implements this selection process in a flash. How wonderful it would be to be governed by people that passed this simple test instead of the current ignorant oafs.

Tags: Africa, Gerrie Hugo, Humour, Politicians, Sweden
Filed under Gerrie Hugo, Humour | 4 Comments »