Who you gonna call?
Posted on August 12th, 2008 by Richard Catto 1,203 views
If ya all alone pick up the phone and call GHOSTBUSTERS
XKCD continues to be on excellent form with this cartoon guaranteed to offend Christians who don’t have a robust sense of humour. I’m a Christian myself and I laughed long and hard at this one.
Listen to Ray Parker Jnr. belt out his signature tune: GhostBusters!
Tags: Cartoon, Holy Spirit, Joke, xkcd
Filed under Christian humour | No Comments »
How Moses got the Ten Commandments
Posted on January 17th, 2008 by Richard Catto 2,227 views
God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better."
The Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?"
The Lord said, "They are rules for living."
"Can you give us an example?"
"Thou shalt not kill."
"Not kill? We’re not interested."
So He went to the Africans and said, "I have Commandments."
The Africans wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Honour thy Father and Mother."
"Father? We don’t know who our fathers are. We’re not interested."
Then He went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments."
The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said "Thou shalt not steal."
"Not steal? We’re not interested."
Then He went to the French and said, "I have Commandments."
The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, "Thou shalt not commit adultery."
"Not commit adultery? We’re not interested."
Finally, He went to the Jews and said, "I have Commandments."
"Commandments?" They said, "How much?"
"They’re free."
"We’ll take 10."
Tags: Humour, Jewish humour, Joke
Filed under Jewish humour | 4 Comments »
The Amish farmer and the Muslim
Posted on November 21st, 2007 by Richard Catto 3,066 views
An Amish farmer walking through his field notices a man drinking from his pond.
The farmer shouts, "Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen!" which means, "Don’t drink the water. The cows have shit in it!"
The man shouts back, "I’m a Muslim, I don’t understand what you are saying. Please speak English."
The Amish farmer yells back, "Use two hands! You’ll get more!"
Tags: Amish, Humour, Joke, Muslim
Filed under Joke | 5 Comments »
I woke up this morning with an orange penis!
Posted on November 7th, 2007 by Richard Catto 1,385 views
So, fuck, I woke up this morning and discovered that somehow my penis had turned orange overnight!
I was in a FLAT PANIC and so, obviously, the first thing I did was call the DOCTOR!
He asked me, did I enjoy cheese curls. I thought what the fuck has that got to do with anything but I answered him anyway, "Yers."
So then he asks me, "Did you watch any pornography last night?"
You can see where this is going, can’t you?
Fucking smarmy cunt! I’m getting a new doctor. And some more cheese curls. And… fuck you!
Tags: cheese curls, Joke, penis humour
Filed under Joke | 1 Comment »
You’re not really looking to get laid, are you?
Posted on October 15th, 2007 by Richard Catto 3,333 views
guy: So, how do you like your eggs in the morning?
girl: Ooh, sunny side up.
guy: oh. huh.
girl: is that a problem?
guy: Well, it’s just that I was trying to set you up for the "unfertilised" line.
girl: Ah. Bad timing. I’m actually looking for casual sex. Interested?
guy: I’d love to, but I’ve got like 20 more jokes to set up tonight? Hey, have you seen a Priest and a Rabbi?
This reminds me of another joke involving a rather inept hunter and a bear…
This hunter goes into the woods looking to bag himself a bear, but he’s a rotten shot and upon finding a bear, he expends all his ammo without hitting anything except wood. The bear then seizes the hunter and proceeds to bugger him all night long.
The hunter swears to avenge his humiliation and ventures forth again (after he’s recovered from his ordeal) with the same result. This happens three or four times. On the fifth occasion, he’s lying there waiting for the bear to do his thing when the bear remarks rather unkindly, "Admit it, you’re not really here for the hunting, are you?"
Tags: Humour, Joke, Sex, xkcd
Filed under Cartoon, xkcd | 3 Comments »
